I Did It Twice

 
There is something I never imagined I would say out loud, but it deserves to be written –  not for pride, but for the woman who is reading this in silence, wondering if she could ever stand up for herself.

I didn’t just win my case in court without a lawyer.

I did it twice.

I want to mention this now. Today – March 18 – the day I stood in court and spoke for myself, was the date I intentionally chose for our hearing. It would have been our 37th wedding anniversary today. There was something powerful about reclaiming that day for myself.

It shows intention.
It shows closure.
It shows that I didn’t just walk away – I walked forward.

I wrote my own motions. I wrote my own responses. I wrote my own divorce decree (and a post-judgement decree). I walked into that courtroom with nothing but my truth, my documentation, and the strength I didn’t even know I had. 
PLEASE NOTE: I want to clarify that I do not necessarily advise this path for everyone. In my case, I could not afford an attorney and felt I had no other choice. Because we did not have young children and my ex-husband was willing to sign the documents I presented, I was able to proceed. I believe he doubted I would actually go through with it. However, after he was unfaithful and spent two years of our marriage with another woman, it was clear where I stood in his life.

For decades, I was told I was “too emotional,” “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,””No one cares about Debbie Lim”, “Overthinker”, “too much.” For decades, I believed I needed someone else to speak for me, (HE was always MY voice). For decades, I was conditioned to think I couldn’t think clearly, I was often called a “Complete Zero”, I couldn’t advocate for myself, I couldn’t be trusted with my own voice.

But when the moment came – when I had to choose between shrinking back into the woman he trained me to be or stepping forward as the woman I was becoming – I chose myself.

And I didn’t choose myself alone.

Donna, my twin, was there for me as she always has been. She stood beside me the way she has since we were little girls, when we learned that the only safety we had in this world was each other. Her presence didn’t just support me – it reminded me that I was never truly alone, even when he made me feel like I was.

I want someone out there to hear this:

You do not have to be fearless to take the next step. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to stop shaking. You do not have to stop crying. You do not have to stop being human.

You just have to decide that your voice matters more than your fear.

I didn’t win because I’m special. I won because I told the truth – clearly, calmly, and without apology.

And if you are reading this, wondering if you could ever do the same… I want you to know something:

You can. You absolutely can.

You are not as small as he made you feel. You are not as weak as he wanted you to believe. You are not as alone as you think you are.

If I – the woman who cried in the shower, who begged for connection, who was called “toxic” for needing love – could walk into court alone and stand up for myself…

Then there is a part of you that can too.

Not today, maybe. Not tomorrow. But one day, when you are ready.

And when that day comes, I hope you remember this:

Your voice is enough. Your truth is enough. You are enough.