As I write this, it is a form of therapeutic expression, where I process my emotions and experiences through writing. By sharing my story, I am taking control of my narrative and creating a sense of closure. Since they stole a few of my journals that I wrote over 10 to 15 years ago, I feel why not express myself on my own website? At least no one will interpret my words from a third party.

It has taken me immense courage to share such personal and painful experiences publicly. My willingness to be vulnerable may help others who have gone through similar situations feel less alone. My story is an emotional account of my experiences with infidelity, trauma, and the challenges of rebuilding my life.

Behind the mask of a Fitness Professional and Artist, I hide a secret.

Despite my 44 years of teaching and outward appearances of happiness, I struggle with unseen challenges. My life may seem perfect, but the truth is, I’m constantly in-flight mode, overwhelmed by anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. As a result of childhood trauma, I was conditioned to silence, leaving me struggling to express myself. Every day, I work to stay positive and prioritize self-care. But what I never expected was for my ex-husband and daughter to use my mental health against me, mocking me with cruel names, laughing at me, and insults.

Thanks to technology, I’ve gained a shocking insight into my ex-husband’s true nature. I discovered his affair and even saw a video of him kissing another woman online. This proof has been both devastating and liberating, allowing me to finally see the truth and begin my journey towards healing.  

My latest struggle with my ex and daughter has been intensified by technology, which has exposed a shocking truth: the life I thought I knew was merely an illusion.

On Friday, January 10, 2025, my life took a dramatic turn. I had been working on reconciling with my ex-husband (together for over 36 years), and we were making plans to get back together. However, little did I know that our conversation that morning would be the end of us for good.

To understand the context, let me take you back to December 5, 2022. That’s when I discovered my then-husband’s infidelity with with a local band member, Jenny, who was also married. The aftermath was devastating, and I filed for divorce immediately. What’s even more shocking is that our 33-year-old daughter, at the time, helped him hide the 1.5-year affair, while Jenny’s daughter was upset and even reached out to me to confirm the truth. The consequences were severe: two marriages ended in divorce, families were torn apart, and our shared business was compromised due to trust issues.

I made a genuine effort to make our relationship work after his affair, but every time we discussed the issue with a therapist or alone, he would become angry. He’d say, “I’ve apologized over 1,000 times,” but then immediately follow up with, “But I did nothing wrong.” This contradictory statement left me hanging with an uncomfortable feeling. How could I forgive him for something he claimed he didn’t do, when in reality, he did? His refusal to acknowledge his actions made it impossible for me to move forward.

The question remains: how can someone move on from that? The answer is, they can’t. To make matters worse, I discovered overwhelming evidence of his 1.5-year infidelity. There were over 150 texts, pictures, and videos exchanged per day, which is a staggering amount of communication. Furthermore, he had the audacity to tell me that he was never attracted to her and that he never cared about her “like that.” This claim was not only hurtful but also infuriating, given the extensive communication and intimate nature of their relationship.

Fast-forward to January 2025, I was still trying to make our relationship work. However, every time we made progress, he would say or do something that would set us back to square one or it would trigger me. It was a roller-coaster ride that lasted for over two years.

I’ve reached the final blow when it came on January 10, 2025 (only four days ago!). I heard my cell phone beep… apparently, I still had the Living Room camera on the account. I saw him (what it looked like) adjusting the camera.  I later found out, he was checking to make sure the camera was off.  It wasn’t.

What I heard was absolutely devastating. My ex-husband and daughter were having a lengthy conversation, expressing extreme hatred and venom towards me, and shockingly, they also made hurtful and hateful comments about my family! The venomous words cut deep, and if words could kill, I would be dead. It’s heartbreaking to think that if only my ex-husband had shown kindness and acted like a father, and been true to his words when he said I was “his greatest love of his life”, our story could have unfolded differently.

On the following day, we met to sign some papers. After we walked out of the store, all I said, “I heard everything”.  While in the parking lot, I voice-texted and told him that he accidentally connected the camera or wanted me to hear what he was saying about me… He became aggressive and defensive, hurling insults and accusing me of spying on him. Ironically, he refused to acknowledge that I had finally heard and validated his feelings. Instead, he showed no remorse for his actions. In that conversation, I heard him lie and embellish events, further eroding any trust I had left. I’m aware that he’ll likely share his own version of events, distorting the truth to suit his narrative.

The sad irony is that I have the truth and facts right in front of me. Years of being belittled and called stupid, F’king moron, or a “f’king idiot” by him had a profound effect on me. To cope with his constant criticism, I developed a habit of double-checking everything and keeping meticulous records. I made sure I had copies and facts to back me up, so I could prove myself right. This habit, although born out of pain, has ultimately helped me. It’s given me the confidence to stand up for myself and the evidence to support my side of the story.

Later that evening, I went back to the house and started moving some of my things out and I took the camera with me because I knew there was a microSD card in it. I took the card out and threw out the broken camera. I plan to listen to the entire conversation once the shock wears off.

I spent 36 years in a marriage that was a complete lie. For most of that time, I was blindly in love with my husband, never realizing the truth about his feelings. But then, his affair happened, and everything changed. Technology became my unlikely ally, revealing the harsh reality of our relationship over the last few years.

Throughout this journey, I’ve struggled to come to terms with the pain and trauma inflicted upon me. From my childhood torture I endured to the devastating collapse of my marriage. As a result, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression. Despite these challenges, I’m determined to heal and move forward.

Both of them were aware of my struggles, and I expected them to be my main supporters. Instead, I became a burden to them. What hurts even more is learning about my ex’s actions. While we were trying to rebuild our life together, he was secretly speaking about me with hurtful words. Yet, in front of me, he would profess his love, calling me his greatest love of all. This deception has caused me immense emotional pain.

I’m not sure what the future holds, but I’m determined to rise above this toxic situation. I’m taking back my power, and I’m choosing to focus on my own healing and growth. Their reactions aren’t my responsibility if they read this. I’ve made it clear that I am sharing my story for myself, as a way to heal and move forward.